Writing
has always been a part of my life. I've not sat down to write in so
long. This year nearly ended everything for me. My life, my dreams,
my hopes, my world. I am very lucky to still be on this side of the
dirt today. STEGO put out it's sophomore album “Void Clear Light”
on Nov 8th. It was put on the back burner while I spent
the year trying to adapt and overcome the vast health problems that
had put me down. Music and art have always been the cornerstone of my
very being.
The thought of not being able to do it anymore was
daunting and depression set in. I was in the hospital for 27 days and
the man who saved me was a younger cardiologist named Sean Rhuland.
He thinks outside the box and knew my plight was dire. Being born
with mitrovalve prolapse only complicated the case yet he worked so
hard to get me back to my old self but healthier. The 27th
morning broke and I arose from the hospital bed scarred but smarter.
I was hardly functioning and wrestling amidst the demons attempting
to adhere to the medication and a new lifestyle. Sobriety was not and
remains a concept that is fleeting and adept at hitting below the
belt. Succumbing to my many vices has turned my life upside down so
many times and I have failed everyone in my life more than once. To
admit that was the first step toward the light.
Since
that time my awareness grew and I could see past the daily routine of
numbing the feelings and being stricken with the pain of regret like
black sheets of rain drowning the memory.
All
a person can do is put one foot in front of the other and move
forward.
To
relearn everything you thought you already knew has been both
frustrating and beautiful. Stumbling toward the horizon with eyes on
the prize. The irony worn upon the disaster I left in my wake.
